and they dance with the music in a way that you do, too.
This morning, I remembered a great bit of advice offered to me by my first piano teacher. He said, "You don't need some one else's approval to do what you love." And what I've learned throughout the past five years is that this letting go of letting judgement feels like you might be losing friends or that you'd lose the opportunity to be friends with the people you think you should be friends with, or "want" to be friends with. But what I've learned is that if you are true to yourself, and can make it through the shedding of a skin, then the people you'd like to know will find you. There's a tribe out there dancing to the music you hear too,
and they dance with the music in a way that you do, too.
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When curiosity strikes and doubt follows, Take the opportunity to explore your externalized fear, which is a different expression of your internalized fears. Because the universe you experience is a part of you beyond all veils, what you do when you explore the outer world, is actually another way of exploring your inner world.
It spilled on my yoga mat and onto the floor. The jar lay shattered, and I was relieved after a moment of panic. I was living and shattering the things that I thought were once whole and true about me, and becoming more whole at the same time. It made sense because it’s what I had been wanting to know, that everything was going to be okay. (And that everything is okay.) * * * My foot kicked, swiftly, a mason jar from my bed this afternoon. I had been in a funk after not having come out to my mother the previous night and was feeling pretty trashy about the situation. When I saw the glass shatter and heard it before my eyes, I felt like my world was burning to the ground, like a meteor was crashing me, or that an apocalypse was occurring. I live in a college dormitory, so others heard the glass breaking and said, “yeah, something definitely went” but that was all they could make out. I said, fairly loudly, (which for me probably translated to the volume of a radio in a passing car,) "It's okay, no worries," or something like that. They didn’t seem to hear it and didn’t care enough or seem bothered enough to further check out what was going on inside my room. This was a relief in a way because it showed me that people don't really care that much about other peoples business unless it resonates with them, otherwise, it's just not that big a deal to them. Even if we try to kid ourselves, we are as delicate as blossoming flowers in the frosting spring, and at the same time, there is infinite support for us to blossom into the summer of our lives. My abstractions form the experience, and so below, I share my abstraction: Other people won’t really bother you for your changes throughout life, and and everything broke, but, the bottom of the glass. And it's not the end of the world, you can work with something that's broken. You can't work with something that is broken but which you won't believe has transformed. Part II: Going to the Places that Call you.I spent this past weekend traveling in my car to places I felt called to.
And I can say that these benefits will pay back in dividends, I experienced so much love this weekend it was at times overwhelming, beautiful, and God-sent. I also learned that as a child, my right frontal lobe was constricted by my umbilical chord and as a result I had seizures as a child which involved me staring off into space. This sort of thing was also an explanation perhaps as to why I vibe with non-linear time and less logical means of living life. I find the most fulfillment often through these moments of intuition and adventure. And I honestly think in my heart of hearts that that's why I choose into a life with that possible birth scenario; so I could turn down or lower the dominance of a logic-oriented brain in a society where that is the norm. This event helped create the platform for the Jon that is, and I love that. And sometimes I feel crazy or different when I compare myself to others, but a.) who doesn't? ;) and b.) That's the reason why I came into this life, to be me and mix things up for the better in the world. Not to perpetuate old or normal parameters of living. Part III: Vulnerability and "the unknown"Do what makes you feel the most vulnerable, Jon, because that is what I know brings you the most joy.
It is easy to believe what others say over yourself, but instead, let their words enter you and move through you. Let yourself release words which do not serve you and keep words which give you courage. And if you do that, you will be closer already, to the freedom and love you want (which we all want in a way). |
AuthorComposer, artist and being who's learning, growing, and sharing along the way Archives
February 2016
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