it marks the day that ________.
Fill in the blank
Today marks a special day,
it marks the day that ________.
Fill in the blank
This morning, I remembered a great bit of advice offered to me by my first piano teacher. He said, "You don't need some one else's approval to do what you love." And what I've learned throughout the past five years is that this letting go of letting judgement feels like you might be losing friends or that you'd lose the opportunity to be friends with the people you think you should be friends with, or "want" to be friends with. But what I've learned is that if you are true to yourself, and can make it through the shedding of a skin, then the people you'd like to know will find you.
There's a tribe out there dancing to the music you hear too,
and they dance with the music in a way that you do, too.
When curiosity strikes and doubt follows, Take the opportunity to explore your externalized fear, which is a different expression of your internalized fears. Because the universe you experience is a part of you beyond all veils, what you do when you explore the outer world, is actually another way of exploring your inner world.
It spilled on my yoga mat
and onto the floor.
The jar lay shattered,
and I was relieved
after a moment of panic.
I was living and shattering the
things that I thought were once whole
and true about me, and becoming more whole
at the same time.
It made sense because it’s what I had been wanting to know,
that everything was going to be okay.
(And that everything is okay.)
* * *
My foot kicked, swiftly, a mason jar from my bed this afternoon. I had been in a funk after not having come out to my mother the previous night and was feeling pretty trashy about the situation. When I saw the glass shatter and heard it before my eyes, I felt like my world was burning to the ground, like a meteor was crashing me, or that an apocalypse was occurring.
I live in a college dormitory, so others heard the glass breaking and said, “yeah, something definitely went” but that was all they could make out. I said, fairly loudly, (which for me probably translated to the volume of a radio in a passing car,) "It's okay, no worries," or something like that. They didn’t seem to hear it and didn’t care enough or seem bothered enough to further check out what was going on inside my room. This was a relief in a way because it showed me that people don't really care that much about other peoples business unless it resonates with them, otherwise, it's just not that big a deal to them.
Even if we try to kid ourselves, we are as delicate as blossoming flowers in the frosting spring, and at the same time, there is infinite support for us to blossom into the summer of our lives.
My abstractions form the experience, and so below, I share my abstraction:
Other people won’t really bother you for your changes throughout life,
and everything broke, but,
the bottom of the glass.
And it's not the end of the world, you can work with something that's broken. You can't work with something that is broken but which you won't believe has transformed.
Part II: Going to the Places that Call you.
I spent this past weekend traveling in my car to places I felt called to.
And I can say that these benefits will pay back in dividends,
I experienced so much love this weekend it was at times overwhelming,
beautiful, and God-sent.
I also learned that as a child, my right frontal lobe was constricted by my umbilical chord and as a result I had seizures as a child which involved me staring off into space.
This sort of thing was also an explanation perhaps as to why I vibe with non-linear time and less logical means of living life. I find the most fulfillment often through these moments of intuition and adventure.
And I honestly think in my heart of hearts that that's why I choose into a life with that possible birth scenario;
so I could turn down or lower the dominance of a logic-oriented brain in a society where that is the norm.
This event helped create the platform for the Jon that is, and I love that.
And sometimes I feel crazy or different when I compare myself to others, but
a.) who doesn't? ;) and
b.) That's the reason why I came into this life, to be me and mix things up for the better in the world. Not to perpetuate old or normal parameters of living.
Part III: Vulnerability and "the unknown"
Do what makes you feel the most vulnerable, Jon, because that is what I know brings you the most joy.
It is easy to believe what others say over yourself, but instead, let their words enter you and move through you. Let yourself release words which do not serve you and keep words which give you courage.
And if you do that, you will be closer already, to the freedom and love you want (which we all want in a way).
I. Unconditional Love
Sometimes, my subconscious wants to break the rules to see if I'll abandon myself.
I am beginning to recognize, that the things which make me special and, sometimes, make me feel crazy, in pain, or alone, are the things that may set someone else free. And it may, if fact, be what some people love most about me.
People do want whats best for you. Some people truly want you to be happy.
Prayer: "God, let me see with more open eyes and a more vulnerable, willed heart."
A new expression of my previous work, "Collection of Thoughts."
I have spent many years here,
at the foot of the mountain,
so engrossed in the fungi and flowers,
that I never motioned to climb to the summit before me, for fear of losing those simple joys. and that I may regret departing from what is guaranteed. I was afraid I may become injured from the journey, or find that it was not all I had hoped it would be.
Today, I chose to leave the mossy forest, and move into the mountain.
Step by step, I walked up the mountain’s incline,
As I journeyed upward, I was able to see more of where I came from.
Here, there was also more land to climb that had been climbed,
and I was afraid I might die a death, only halfway through my climb,
without any of the comforts that I knew in the grassy forest,
lest the button cap mushroom and red flowers I kept in my backpack for sentiment.
* * *
I began to sweat and smell
And before I realized it,
I made it halfway up,
...but was growing tired.
* * *
I rested for a bit,
I was told... by God, perhaps, that I would not make it all the way to the summit if I carried all my belongings and keepsakes with me.
* * *
It had been two days, and I was not making the progress I had wished I would have made.
I wondered, what went wrong? and asked God and the universe at large, for help.
* * *
I continued onward and upward,
Despite the tiring pain I felt in the soles of my feet.
I was moving through space in apathy and a foreboding decrease in momentum came.
* * *
That following night,
I came upon a rock and rested.
This rock jetted out from the mountainside and looked over the forest from whence I came.
From this point, I could see more forest than I thought had ever existed; I could see the town in which I grew up from, here, lit by lanterns appearing to be fireflies in the distant night.
I sat here and wanted to weep. If I were to decide the same way I had decided things in the past, I would have wept. But I
heard a voice again and I suddenly comprehended something in a capacity I hadn’t before.
In the morning, I left all my remaining belongings, including the two flowers and my clothes, at that rock which overlooked the forest. And now, nearly naked, lest my shoes, I began to walk, jog, then run up the mountainside with an energy I had not known before, moving through and within me. It was the kind of electrical surge you get from dreams of flight.
Giving up all of the pain of the past,
I move(d) forward,
And made it to being only foot steps
before the summit.
* * *
It is clear here,
There is a terrible silence...
Joy pervades the air,
And All breathe fully and happily with a sense of awe and breathlessness... which feels good… whole… and light.
All is abiding here. All, here, is abiding.
Due to the need for sustainable food, shelter, clothing, and the security of water,
I worked my way down the newly discovered side of the mountain,
that which was opposite the way I came.
...I saw a village past the forest surrounding the mountain, and decided I would go
When I came down the mountain, I saw deer and antelope playing, smelling the wet grasses. And I could hear the laughter of tree leaves about the air;
I could feel my sweat's sweet touch on my vibrant skin, and
All was abiding.
* * *
Just beyond the forest was a new village,
As I entered it I was greeted by familiar faces.
Now, their faces glowed and I couldn't help but actively look into their eyes when we spoke. And when we spoke, we no longer talked of discontent or bitterness. We spoke in blessings and gratitude. And when we did speak of unpleasantries, it was understood that our complaints were not means of escape; there was no longer a
Hide from the beauty of the mountain tops,
The presence of famine,
The joy and vulnerability of dancing,
Or the reality and order of breaking branches
and burning wood.
We could all know, and
That all was abiding;
The mountain summit was once a hill, and earlier, a plain.
“It is abiding here. We are peace, here” spoke all.
And all was well.
* * *
…There is something whispered amongst the creatures who live in the abiding…
They do not deny that there will be days of death, sorrow, and pain.
(But, they also do not believe that by living in disappointment, those moments will be lessened, or made easier.)
Instead, they see today for what it is, in all its glory, and opportunity,
Without the fear looming over them that tomorrow, what is now there, may not be there in the same dimension, in the same way, again.
They do not live in disappointment to avoid being shaken by heartbreak, and they are present for all of life and are willing to love as
much as they are, cry.
… and that is the truest secret and rite of The Abiding,
that is what they whisper in the rustling leaves and starry nights to one another:
I love you.
Tears come from the eternal springs of your soul,
the same place the bVII chord comes from.
A beautiful reminder of the infinite, now, and the precious
I claim no credit to the video. Poetry above and below, © 2015
The dance of life is a waltz, at times.
with sweeping lines and a magically forward pulling meter.
And there are some moments where what is beat one, two, and
three become obscured and you are seamlessly moving through time.
Then when the time comes, the rhythm finds you once again, and you are dancing.
As bittersweet as the B major 9th and 7th chord.
May the celestial locust fly you to where you need to be,
and may the wind always carry you swiftly through the night.
Say hello to the spirits you find in the sky,
for me, and in honor of the dream named your life.
May you drink from the eternal waters,
dance, with the perpetual flames,
and taste the dirt of a thousand ancestors.
…Say hello, when you visit that place
Poem inspired by this music.
I claim no rights to this music, I just wish to share it.
Poetry © 2015
Life is often the dancing of astral bodies,
cocreating in communion with of dance of life.
Composer, artist and being who's learning, growing, and sharing along the way
All music © 2015 Jon Sysyn,
unless otherwise noted